The Monk Who Wanted Death

A young man named Paces went into the desert of Scete to live as a hermit. He spent his days praying, fasting, and doing other works of penance. He persevered in this kind of life for many years. During those long years of sacrifice, God gave him sweet consolations in his prayer.

But suddenly, without warning, Paces began to be tormented with temptations against purity and faith. These temptations continued for a long time. No matter how much he wanted to drive the terrible thoughts out of his head, he couldn’t. The temptations relentlessly filled his mind, no matter how violently he struggled against them. At last, seeing no end in sight, he fell into despair. Life had become hopeless, pointless, unbearable. He was going to end it all.

So one day he went out into the wilderness, hoping some wild beast would find him. He didn’t have to wait long; for he soon came to a den of lions.

"Now," he said to himself, "my misery will soon be at an end."

But when the lions saw him, instead of rushing forward to devour him, they came up to him and tamely lay down at his feet. He tried to upset them, to make them attack him. But they simply turned away from him and went back to their den.

Paces did not bother to chase the lions. He was too stunned by the miracle that these hungry desert hunters had not leapt at the chance to devour him, and that they’d left him alone when he annoyed them!

When the shock of this wore off, he was struck by the seriousness of what he had done. He had almost killed himself! To commit suicide is a grave offense against God. If Heaven had not miraculously protected him, he would have lost his soul. To end one’s misery in this life only brings incredibly worse sufferings in the next life - and then there will be no escape.

Shaken, Paces returned to his cell, hoping that those terrible temptations that caused his misery would finally leave him. But his unhappy life only got worse. In a short time, he was attacked more fiercely than ever by the devil filling his mind with thoughts of sin and heresy.

So, for a second time he yielded to the temptation to put an end to his life. Going out into the desert, he found a snake which he knew was deathly poisonous. He picked it up, and tried to make it bite him, but in vain. So he threw it down, and, looking up to Heaven, cried out: "O God, why is it that You so often strike with death many who desire to live, and now when I desire to die You do not permit it?"

God had not abandoned him during his painful life. But during all his struggles, Paces had forgotten something very important. God did not want Paces to give up on life, but to learn how to live in the face of such struggles.

So when Paces cried out to God that he wished to die, he heard a voice that said to him: "O foolish child! Why did you presume that you could overcome temptations by your own strength? See, now, how weak you are, and learn to have recourse to God in prayer when you are tempted."

Paces returned to his cell, this time a humble man. He followed the advice he had so miraculously received, and found peace. The temptations returned; but they vanished when he prayed for help. And for ever afterwards, Paces did not give up again. With God’s grace, he persevered on the path to Heaven.

Like Paces, we all get tempted. And, like him, we are all too weak to overcome it on our own. No one can do anything good without God’s grace.

So, like Paces, let us follow the advice he received, and go to God whenever we are in temptation or any kind of need. Then we too can enjoy peace, knowing that, with God strengthening us, there’s nothing we can’t overcome.